Food for thought

It has been one of those days where I've been questioning myself as a mother, particularly a stay-at-home-mom.

I've got a headache. It's summer. I don't deal with heat well. Darling daughter didn't nap at all yesterday and didn't get to bed at 10 p.m. and this afternoon she didn't nap as long as she should have. I could say all those things were working against me today, or the simple fact that it is "one of those days," but whatever is going on, I think I need to sit down and start giving things some serious consideration.

I've been home for the last two years. They have gone incredibly fast. But lately I have started entertaining the ideal of returning to work. To do what, I haven't a clue. Returning to journalism is not realistic because quite frankly the profession isn't all that family friendly. On the car ride home from visiting family, I was reading a story in an old Reader's Digest my grandmother gave me about a man recounting his experiences as a husband and journalist. He wrote about the long hours and how it took a toll on his family. I remember those long hours vividly. I don't miss them.

Being a mother is the hardest jobs I ever had. I'm not too sure if the return-to-work thoughts I'm entertaining have to do with the toughness of the job or the fact that I want to return to work. I realize the grass isn't necessarily greener on the other side, but I think I may be missing something. Today, I was so happy to see dear husband walk through the front door, 10 minutes early. So I'll be giving this more thought.

Official occupation: Wonder Woman

Sometimes I forget what the "real world" is like. It has been almost been two years since I gave up my job to go on maternity leave and never return to the working world. I forgot that one measuring sticks society uses to evaluate one as a person is their occupation.


Let me explain. Yesterday I went to the bank to make a hurried retirement savings plan contribution as it was the absolute last deadline to do so. While doing the paperwork, the investment advisor asked me what my occupation was. With darling daughter in the stroller next to me, it wasn't all that hard for him to guess. "I'm a stay at home mom," I said.


"Okay," he said, typing in information into the computer. "Homemaker."


Homemaker? I'm a homemaker? This was news to me. I wanted to tell him the following: "Mister, you really should come over and take a peek at my home. I'm no homemaker. Homemaker would imply that I maintain and upkeep my home. I just don't have the time. I've got great intentions, but sometimes it doesn't work out. I've got toys strewn across my living room and downstairs playroom. I've got laundry piling up in the bedrooms. I've got dust bunnies reproducing underneath my beds and every crook and cranny in my house. At lunch time, for whatever inexplicable reason, it looks like an bomb went off in the kitchen because dirty dishes litter my counters and there are food stains all over the floor. And please don't look inside the microwave. It is just nasty. I try to do housework, but it is just too darn hard with a crying toddler hanging off my leg. Some days, I consider a successful day when I'm able to wash, dry and fold one load of laundry."

In hindsight what I should have told him to put down as my official occupation is Wonder Woman. "I think Wonder Woman is a better term that describes my occupation for the following reasons: Have you ever cared for a toddler on a couple hours of sleep? It's tough work. But what is tougher is negotiating with a toddler, especially one who is overtired. It is difficult and challenging, and there are times you want to give in to their demands, but you have to remain strong. Nap time negotiations are the hardest. When they sense weakness, they'll pounce and quickly use it to their advantage. And how about dealing with a picky toddler, the type who isn't happy with the food being presented to her so she dumps it all over the floor? And all you want to do is cry because all your hard work is at your feet on the same floor you just washed an hour ago. Yep, it is hard to remain calm, but you must. Like I said earlier, they can sense weakness easily. . . . And have you ever competed in the car seat Olympics? Bundling up said toddler in a snow suit, hauling them out to the car, getting them in and buckled into the car seat, driving to destination, arriving to destination, extracting them from the car seat and into a stroller? Do that three times a day and there is no need to go to the gym. . ."

Later that evening, I told my friend that the bank has classed my official occupation as homemaker. We both had a quiet chuckle. But I'm more inclined to say that I'm a Wonder Woman. Regardless if you stay at home, work from home or work out of the home, all mothers are Wonder Women. Because as I'm quickly discovering, the hardest job there is is being a mother.

Battling the boredom factor

I had to go back into the archives and find this post in order to refresh my memory about the emotions I was feeling when I made the decision to become a stay at home mom.

It has been more than two months since I wrote that post. I can honestly say that I have lived up to my pledge of not obsessing or apologizing for my decision to stay at home. Last weekend when we were at wedding at I was asked at least three different times if I had returned to work. Instead of getting riled up in thinking I needed to explain myself and my decision, I simply said I was staying at home. Period. If I gave an explanation about my decision, it was brief.

Staying at home is one of the hardest decisions I have ever made in my life. I will admit that I have had second thoughts. Some days I think it would be great if I got a job and took darling daughter to daycare. I would drop her off and at the end of the day when I'd pick her up she'd fall into my arms with a huge smile on her face. She'd have the same excitement she displays when dear husband walks through the front door at the end of the day. My days would be filled with exciting work and adult conversation. Also, I wouldn't have to look at half gummed Cheerios on the floor. I know these are romanticized ideas. I realize I have a lot of freedom by staying at home. The freedom of dictating my days the way I want them to unfold. The freedom of seeing my daughter grow, blossom and learn. And even the freedom of indulging in an afternoon nap when I need one.

But staying at home is harder than it looks. There is the boredom factor to contend with. Every day I plan an activity with darling daughter. Even if it is going out for a walk or running errands, I try to get out of the house. I have to in order to maintain some kind of connection with the world. Earlier this week we went on a walk and played in the park with some friends and on Thursday we had a small playdate with a friend. Today, we went shopping at Ikea.


But despite planning fun activities to bust the boredom factor, boredom does creep into my days. And when that happens, sometimes I start having thoughts of returning to the work force. When I was working, I'd have instant gratification when I met a deadline, finally tracked down a hard-to-locate source, or saw my byline in print. Although it is hard to explain, I don't get that same instant gratification when I am at home. However, I do realize that the time I invest in by staying at home will pay off in huge dividends. My investment is already paying off the way darling daughter holds her sippy cup, plays with toys, walks around the living room and smiles at me.

So battling the boredom factor continues. I know it will get easier as darling daughter grows older. In the meantime, I just have to come up with creative and clever ideas when fighting the battle.

Big media and Michael Jackson

Since becoming a full-time stay at home mom about a month ago, I've tried to write a blog post once a day. I find that writing helps me to keep sane and in touch with the outside world. Some days I'm successful and other days not so much. Today I thought about writing how darling daughter let us (and I say us because I get up when she does as she is my little alarm clock) sleep in until 8:45 a.m. This is the first time she'd slept in that long. I'm not complaining as I do enjoy sleep.

I was thinking about posting another baby food post. More and more, I am relying on commercial baby food these days. Last week I made carrots which was a big disaster as darling daughter wailed, and I mean WAILED, when I turned on the blender. Argh, not only did I have to comfort my hysterical daughter, but clean up the huge mess in my kitchen. Have I ever mentioned that I hate making baby food?

I was also thinking about writing about how much my life has changed in the last year since darling daughter's arrival. This time last year I was hunkering down, getting ready the big day. And I do mean hunkering as I would turn on our house alarm after dear husband left for the day and I wouldn't leave the house unless I had a doctor's appointment. Yep, it was a bit crazy, but sometimes you can get crazy when you are pregnant.

But since today is Michael Jackson's memorial in Los Angeles, I think my post should address the 24 hour news channels feeding frenzy in relation to the King of Pop's death. I'll say this: I was never a huge Michael Jackson fan, however, I did enjoy listening to his music. But since news of his death broke almost two weeks ago, it is hard not to be bombarded with excessive stories relating to Jackson's death and life.

In my humble opinion, I think the 24 hour news channels have lost credibility with the public as they have gone into overdrive covering his death. As soldiers die in Afghanistan, the stock markets fall, people riot in the streets in China and Iranians protest, legitimate journalists are interviewing people who may have had vague connections with Jackson, asking their reaction to the King of Pop's death. In some instances, the only coverage actual news gets is a brief mention on the moving ticker at the bottom of the television screen. Just a few moments ago, CBC reporters were discussing if Jackson's body was actually in the casket at his memorial at the Staples Centre. Citing celebrity gossip website, TMZ.com, one of the reporters told viewers that the website was reporting his body is in the casket. Good lord, has it come down to this that we are discussing if his body is in the casket? Does it even matter? The poor man is dead. Can't we let him rest in peace? Apparently, not. I'm not disputing that Michael Jackson's death is news, but the way it has been covered has been overblown to say the least.

Once the hoopla dies down and the 24 hour news channel return to their regular programming of covering actual news events, we can all sigh a breath of relief until the next big overblown news story comes along. When I was a news reporter, I always thought the news media got a bum rap the way they cover news. However, I can see now that criticism is valid in some instances.

My big decision

Last week, a day after giving my official resignation to my employer, I was cleaning up half-gummed Cheerios on darling daughter’s high chair, wondering if the grass was greener on the other side.

I’ve traded in my reporter’s note pad to become a full-time stay at home mom. The decision wasn’t easy. We, as a family, now rely on my husband’s sole income, which is a scary prospect in recessionary times. I’ve given up the opportunity to continue in a career that I started nearly 11 years ago. However, despite our sacrifices in downsizing to one car and possibly delaying our decision to upgrade to a bigger house, we have decided having one parent at home on a full-time basis is the best for our family.

I know our decision doesn’t work for every family. Not every family can afford to have one parent stay at home. Also, not every family wants to pursue this option.
Recently, I went out to dinner with friends. Many of them have returned to work and as they talked about their jobs, I started to get a wee bit jealous. Their work sounds so exciting. How can cleaning up half-gummed Cheerios and making baby puree (while cursing under my breath) be exciting?

While technically I am still on maternity leave, I found this week incredibly hard. Maybe it has been the weather for the last two days or the fact that my decision is sinking in, but being a stay at home is harder than I actually thought it would be. I know it has only been a week, but am I really cut out for this? Only time will tell.

Although I do wonder if the grass is greener on the other side, I can’t picture my life any differently. Not going back to work was a hard decision to make, but the right one for me. I give anyone who has young children and works as a working journalist a huge amount of credit. But with tight deadlines, night assignments and working regular weekends, sacrifices would have to be made to my family life to balance my work. And I’m at the point in my life that I don’t think I can balance both equally, and something’s gotta give.

So today I will no longer I pledge that I will no longer obsess or apologize for my decision to stay at home. Of course, I will likely wonder if the grass is greener on the other side, but I’ll never know what this side of this grass feels like unless I’m standing on this side of the fence. I think Jeremy Adam Smith, summed up my feelings perfectly when he was interviewed by Evan Solomon on the CBC‘s The Current on Friday. Smith is the author of The Daddy Shift: How Stay At Home Dads, Breadwinning Moms and Shared Parenting Are Transforming the American Family. Here is a little bit of what he had to say.

“My feeling is there is so much guilt associated with parenting right now. There is so much ideology. Parents are walking around with these ideas about what a good parent does,” he said.

Smith feels people need to accept their own feelings. If they want to be a stay at home dad or mom then they should admit those feelings. If they want to work, then they should admit those feelings too.

“Once we get to a place where we can accept a high level of family diversity . . . we will be a lot happier.”

I couldn’t say it any better myself.