My big decision

Last week, a day after giving my official resignation to my employer, I was cleaning up half-gummed Cheerios on darling daughter’s high chair, wondering if the grass was greener on the other side.

I’ve traded in my reporter’s note pad to become a full-time stay at home mom. The decision wasn’t easy. We, as a family, now rely on my husband’s sole income, which is a scary prospect in recessionary times. I’ve given up the opportunity to continue in a career that I started nearly 11 years ago. However, despite our sacrifices in downsizing to one car and possibly delaying our decision to upgrade to a bigger house, we have decided having one parent at home on a full-time basis is the best for our family.

I know our decision doesn’t work for every family. Not every family can afford to have one parent stay at home. Also, not every family wants to pursue this option.
Recently, I went out to dinner with friends. Many of them have returned to work and as they talked about their jobs, I started to get a wee bit jealous. Their work sounds so exciting. How can cleaning up half-gummed Cheerios and making baby puree (while cursing under my breath) be exciting?

While technically I am still on maternity leave, I found this week incredibly hard. Maybe it has been the weather for the last two days or the fact that my decision is sinking in, but being a stay at home is harder than I actually thought it would be. I know it has only been a week, but am I really cut out for this? Only time will tell.

Although I do wonder if the grass is greener on the other side, I can’t picture my life any differently. Not going back to work was a hard decision to make, but the right one for me. I give anyone who has young children and works as a working journalist a huge amount of credit. But with tight deadlines, night assignments and working regular weekends, sacrifices would have to be made to my family life to balance my work. And I’m at the point in my life that I don’t think I can balance both equally, and something’s gotta give.

So today I will no longer I pledge that I will no longer obsess or apologize for my decision to stay at home. Of course, I will likely wonder if the grass is greener on the other side, but I’ll never know what this side of this grass feels like unless I’m standing on this side of the fence. I think Jeremy Adam Smith, summed up my feelings perfectly when he was interviewed by Evan Solomon on the CBC‘s The Current on Friday. Smith is the author of The Daddy Shift: How Stay At Home Dads, Breadwinning Moms and Shared Parenting Are Transforming the American Family. Here is a little bit of what he had to say.

“My feeling is there is so much guilt associated with parenting right now. There is so much ideology. Parents are walking around with these ideas about what a good parent does,” he said.

Smith feels people need to accept their own feelings. If they want to be a stay at home dad or mom then they should admit those feelings. If they want to work, then they should admit those feelings too.

“Once we get to a place where we can accept a high level of family diversity . . . we will be a lot happier.”

I couldn’t say it any better myself.