Mixed messages and hypocrisy

I came across this article in the Toronto Star yesterday and I shook my head.

According to the story, British Columbia artist Kate Hansen posted three of her paintings depicting mothers nursing their babies on a Facebook group for portrait and figure artists on three different occasions. Three times the images disappeared. She received an email from the Facebook Team earlier this month, informing her the paintings had been removed because they violated the social networking site’s terms of use policy.

After making inquiries, the official response from Facebook to the Star is that the paintings were accidentally removed.

Sure. Whatever you say, Facebook.

This story doesn’t surprise me. In recent years, there have been stories about breastfeeding photos being deleted from Facebook. And it isn’t only Facebook. Around the time darling daughter was born, a furor broke out in British Columbia when a breastfeeding mom was ushered into a changing room at a H&M store in Vancouver after she attempted to breastfeed her two month old child in the store. At the time of the incident, employees told the mom it was store policy as breastfeeding may offend customers. In the end, the store backed down, claiming no such policy existed.

We live in a world where we don’t want to offend anyone. We also live in a highly sexualized world where sex sells everything from clothes to cars. We don’t blink twice when we see scantily clad women plastered on billboards, on magazine covers or their flashed on television. But our sensibilities are offended when a mother tries to breastfeed her baby in public or posts breastfeeding photos or paintings on Facebook.

Are you freaking kidding me?

While many will argue that women need to be discreet when nursing in public or use nursing rooms, this is hypocrisy at its finest. A woman is using her breasts what they are intended to do: to feed her child. Society views breasts as sexual toys, rather than life saving devices. To say to a woman she should covers up or go to a nursing room is sending the message that her breasts are offensive and to breastfeed her child in public will possibly offend others.

A recent U.S. study revealed that hundreds of lives could be saved as well as billion of dollars in medical costs if all American women were to exclusively breastfeed their children to six months of age. According to the study, 12 per cent of infants in the U.S. are exclusively breastfed to six months of age.

One of the lead authors of the study stated that women shouldn’t be blamed for low breastfeeding rates as they are not adequately supported from the time their babies are born.

Very true. To be honest, I am not sure what the breastfeeding rates are in Canada. According to a Statistics Canada study released in 2007, the extension of maternity leave from six months to one year resulted in breastfeeding targets recommended by public health agencies have been met.

However, the study also revealed that women weren’t more likely to initiate breastfeeding or attempt breastfeeding due to extended leave entitlements. But extended leave did result in women breastfeeding longer.

I’ve been giving breastfeeding some thought after reading this thought provoking post written by a blogger I follow. Then I started thinking: what is causing low breastfeeding rates? And I came up with some conclusions based on my own personal experience.

Firstly, women don’t adequate support. We are told breast is best, but often we are left on our own to figure out how to do something that we’ve been told that is natural. You may have one nurse tell you one thing, only to have another to tell you something else, resulting in confusing and conflicting information. I was able to access a breastfeeding program through the hospital I gave birth at. However, there were barriers. The program was only accessible to women who had given birth at the facility and they were only able to access it until their child was three weeks old. There was also a financial barrier as it cost $13 a visit to park in the parking lot.

Secondly, women need a stronger support system. Unless you know other moms who are or have breastfed, you may find yourself alone. I know I was. I did get support from a friend living in the U.S. Neither my mother or my grandmother breastfed. In my grandmother’s day, women were encouraged to formula feed their child as the reasoning by doctors was that you knew exactly how baby was consuming. I couldn’t rely on the experiences of my mother or grandmother because they had none to give me.

Thirdly, society needs to change its attitude when it comes to breasts. We are told that breast is best. But then we are told, in subtle ways, that breastfeeding in public is something that needs to be done discretely or avoided all together. God forbid if you whip out your boob to feed your child while sitting on a mall bench and offend someone in the process. The way Facebook treats breastfeeding photos and images is a reflection how society views women and their anatomy. Why is it okay for Heidi Montag to show off the results of her new breast augmentation surgery on the cover of People Magazine, but images of nursing mothers and their babies are deleted from Facebook? Women shouldn’t feel like they need to hide in their homes or in a changing room store to breastfeed. I have used nursing rooms. They are wonderful things. But sometimes nursing rooms aren’t all that convenient, especially if you have a hungry infant on your hands and the nursing room is two floors up from where you are shopping. I’ve breastfed in public, and sometimes I wasn’t all that discreet as darling daughter would knock off the blanket covering her. And I always found those breastfeeding cover to be a pain and awkward to use. So I gave up and stopped worrying if I was offending someone when I was breastfeeding in public.

I believe time will change this. But time takes time. Hopefully this will won’t be an issue when my own daughter reaches her childbearing years.

A journey ends

One of the useful gifts I received after darling daughter was born was Taking Care of Baby: The Ultimate Organizer for Busy Parents. I used that book almost religiously for a good month, marking down the number of poops and pees darling daughter had. It was very useful in keeping track of our breastfeeding sessions. I’d jot down detailed notes of what side darling daughter fed on, how long and what time the feeding started.

Flipping through that book now, I can certainly see the progression of our breastfeeding journey. It was rocky in the beginning as darling daughter hated my left breast. Plus, she wasn’t overly keen on the entire thing. And neither was I. How could something that be natural feel unnatural? It didn’t seem right that I was fighting with a newborn in order for her to latch onto my breast. Plus, my nipples hurt. Although we supplemented with formula, I continued to persevere with breastfeeding. Gradually, the supplemented feedings started to gradually disappeared and were replaced by breastfeeding. Soon, we were exclusively breastfeeding.

Our breastfeeding journey is now over. Our journey last for more than 13 months. In a previous post, I talked about my intention to wean darling daughter from the breast. However, I didn’t think it would happen so quickly. Just to recap, last week I decided to reduce her feedings from two to one session per day. The morning feeding, which I was hesitant to give up, when first. Except for some mild protest, darling daughter didn’t mind too much. I thought I would continue on path of one feeding a day for at least the next couple of weeks before concluding the weaning process.

Then I got sick. I took some medication that isn’t recommended for nursing mothers. So instead of worrying, I decided not to breastfeed that day. And she didn’t seem to miss it at all. No protest at bedtime. She just rolled over, found her thumb and went to sleep.

Neither of us knew it at the time, but the feeding I gave her on Friday before going to a BodyStep class was our last ever feeding. Maybe was better that way. I could have breastfed on Sunday, but I decided to leave things as the status quo and see where it would lead us.

It has now been six days and I miss breastfeeding immensely. It was the only time of day where I’d get to cuddle with my squirmy, independent child. It has been a blow to my ego that darling daughter has transitioned to the sippy cup so well. This morning I wondered if I have done the right thing. I know if my heart I have as we were both ready for it to end.

Breastfeeding is such an emotional roller coaster. Some women aren’t able to do it, while others are. I am one who could. During the struggles to get darling daughter latched on properly, dealing with sore nipples and the sleep deprived nights, I wondered if breastfeeding was worth it. It certainly is. It was a gift I gave to darling daughter. And it was a gift that darling daughter gave to me.

I want to share a poem my friend Shelley Mulvihill wrote when she was considering weaning her child, who was 10 months at the time. Their breastfeeding journey is still continuing. I tear up every time I read this poem.

Ode to breastfeeding

I was so worried I wouldn’t be able to do it
How would it feel?
Would it be painful?
Would it be worth it?

I couldn’t share the night time feeds with your dad
I’d be the only one responsible for your nourishment
Would I have enough for you?

In the minutes following your birth
You latched right on
You were meant to breastfeed
I was meant to feed you

I had my moments
Worrying if you were gaining weight
Counting your wet diapers
You were always right on the mark

It has been 10 months now
The thing I wasn’t sure I could do
Has to end soon
And I don’t want it to

Breastfeeding started as my gift to you
But it turns out
It was your gift to me

I want my boobs back

We have had a good 13 month run, but it is time for our breastfeeding journey to end.

It may sound selfish, but I want my boobs back.

With the introduction of sippy cups about a month ago, our breastfeeding sessions have been reduced down to two a day: once in the morning and once at night. And so far, it has been going well. I am concerned about how much liquids darling daughter is actually getting, but she seems to have plenty of wet diapers. Plus, I try to add water whenever I can in her diet. Watermelon is a favourite. And I offer her sippy cups throughout the day.

Except for the morning feeding, she doesn't ask for momma's milk. She seems to be content in using her sippy cup.

So I am at the cusp of transitioning from the breast to the sippy cup. It is a bittersweet time for both me and darling daughter. Although it is nice to be wanted, it is time for breastfeeding relationship to end. I am proud of our journey. At the beginning, I didn't think I'd last 13 days, let alone 13 months. We struggled. There were tears. Darling daughter hated my left boob at first. She'd cry when she saw it. Then after awhile it became her favourite. Although it took some time, I soon discovered how convenient how breastfeeding is. No bottles. No fuss. No muss. I've breastfed on planes, in airports, at malls, in the backseat of the car and in parks. There was a time that I didn't want to introduce solid foods because I didn't want to interrupt our breastfeeding relationship because it was that important to me.

I must admit, I am a bit nervous because the boob is so convenient, especially as a comforting tool, but I am ready. And darling daughter is ready, too. Plus, I want my boobs back.

It is time to stop the procrastination . . . here we come sippy cups!

Today was the day that I reacquainted darling daughter with the sippy cup.

This day was at least two months in the making. It has been pure laziness on my part that I haven't pursued the sippy cup issue further. Around May, I had given darling daughter a sippy cup a handful of times. Although the results were always mixed, there was always one constant: liquid all over the place. Since I was, and still am, breastfeeding, it was always easier putting darling daughter to the breast than to deal with leaking sippy cups. There is no fuss or muss with the breast. It is very convenient. It never leaks. But, I am coming to the realization that this child can't be breastfed to the age of five and will soon have to learn how to drink out of a cup.

So I rummaged and found the package of new sippy cups I bought almost two months ago, washed one and filled it with water. Darling daughter didn't know what to think when I placed it on the tray of her high chair. She banged it against the tray. She chewed on it. And she even dropped it on the floor. Finally, she started to suck on it. Although she has yet to get the hang of tipping the cup back far enough to get water, she has taken to the sippy cup with a vengeance even to the point that she cried hysterically when I took it away from her before dinner. But I may be deceiving myself as she has a strong affinity towards plastic containers. Today, she was thrilled to play with a large yogurt container. Really, I don't know why I buy toys.

So dear readers, I may be on the verge of freedom: the freedom to be away from the house for more than four hours without worrying if darling daughter requires a feed. Despite the tiny puddles of water left on the floor that darling daughter created while practicing her sippy cup technique, these tiny plastic cups represent liberty and freedom in my world. So bring on the sippy cups! Darling daughter has a lot of practicing to do.

Copyright 2009 -- Valerie McLaughlin -- All rights reserved

Stuck in teething hell

So far, I've kind of sailed through the teething thing. Teeth would suddenly pop into darling daughter's with no fuss or muss and life would go on. When I would hear teething horror stories from friends, I'd be in awe. As they would tell me their teething nightmare tales, I would shake my head in sympathy, but I'd always have a strange feeling of smugness due in part that darling daughter never experienced such teething problems.

Well, karma has smacked me on the butt. I'm stuck in teething hell. It has only been 24 hours and I'm already exhausted. Yesterday started off as any ordinary day. Got darling daughter up, fed her, handed her to dear husband and then went to the gym. When I returned home, all hell had broken loose. Darling daughter threw up her entire breakfast on dear husband and made a horrible mess in the process. And she also developed a fever.

We are assuming it is teething as she is in good humour for the most part. Another big sign teething may be the culprit is that she is grinding her teeth. She has been grinding her teeth for the last week and she only does it when she is teething. Plus, she won't let us look in her mouth.

While the daytime is relatively peaceful for the most part, nigh time is a different story. From the time we put her to bed last night to the minute she officially started the day this morning, she was up four times during the night. Ouch! I totally forgot what it was like to deal with night feedings. Luckily, I am still breastfeeding. Although some parenting experts may cringe in horror, the easiest thing for me was to nurse my cranky, inconsolable baby back to sleep. Hey, you got to do what you got to do to survive!

However, dealing with four night feedings has caused me to feel like I have a hangover. My head hurts and it isn't even 10:30 a.m. yet. It is going to be a long day. Hopefully this teething thing doesn't last too long.

Using the F word

Formula. For some it is the F-word. For others, it means freedom.

I don't want to delve into the whole breastfeeding versus formula debate, but I am desperate to get darling daughter on the bottle. Once upon a time, darling daughter would take both formula and a bottle when we were struggling with breastfeeding. After we got the hang of breastfeeding, I'd pump and dear husband would give darling daughter pumped breast milk in a bottle. That routine worked up until she was about seven or eight months when she outright refused to take the bottle. Except for when I was extremely sick about two months ago and darling daughter had no other choice than to take a bottle, bottle feeding is basically non-existent in our house.

Although I have been blessed to breastfeed darling daughter, I'm thinking it is soon time to wean. I'm not too sure if I should say this out loud, but I am sooooo tired to wrestling with darling daughter during our breastfeeding sessions. She weighs 20 pounds and she has a mind of her own. Giving her the odd bottle of formula would give me some peace of mind as sometimes I worry if she is getting enough fluids.

So in the last week we have tried to reintroduce formula and, of course, she wants no part of it. According to dear husband, she lulls the bottle in her mouth, maybe consume half an ounce before rejecting the bottle outright. Since dear husband doesn't have the same anatomy as me, he is force to phone me, in a panic, because she won't eat. Pumping isn't an option as my electric pump is on its last legs. Also, I can no longer get enough milk when I do pump. My other option is a sippy cup. But since the bottle experiment isn't going so well, I can guarantee that she won't be all that receptive to a bottle.

So the battle continues. I will continue to breastfeed for the next couple of months, and try to introduce a sippy cup in hopes one day darling daughter will like something else other than my boob.